anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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