The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
