I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
