Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
