Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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