His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
