I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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