Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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