I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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