take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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