My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
