but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We are two peas in an std pod
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
