question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he was CRYING into my vagina
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
