I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
