The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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