Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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