Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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