i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
