Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
