apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
