Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
