We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
