Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
