Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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