the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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