I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
