Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
