the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
