Screwed.edu
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
