you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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