First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
