my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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