I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
