i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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