did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
