I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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