the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
