Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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