1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
