I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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