Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?

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(253): View more from Washington

i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.

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(260): View more from Indiana

People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them

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(518): View more from New York

My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.

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(559): View more from California

Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.

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(816): View more from Missouri

So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta

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(928): View more from Arizona

Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.

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