woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
