well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
