I want to make a zoo with you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
