So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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