There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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