I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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