just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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