apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
