I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
