I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
